Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
