I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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