Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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