Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
