she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
