so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
