Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
