I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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