also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
