I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
