i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
