you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
me + whiskey = a bad person
The struggles of a small town man whore
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
