Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
