I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
my sisters under your porch take her home
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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