Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
