I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
