i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
