either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
