God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
