I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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