I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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