oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
