I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He had one of those small greek statue penises
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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