i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
