I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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