I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
