I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
