I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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