we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
