Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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