I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
