Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
