I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
