A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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