omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
