I'd wear matching sweaters with you
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
