Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
