he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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