i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he quoted the bible to break up with me
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
