I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
