I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
