took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
