He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
