dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
