woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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