thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
