its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He shit in the fireplace
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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