I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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