Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
