Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
