We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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