His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
