i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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