I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
